design, Life lessons, safety first, Uncategorized

Long time no talky

Hello all, it’s me again….

It has been quite a while since I have posted anything in here but I assure you ( lol, I am talking like I have a world of fans reading this) that I have been trying to keep busy.

2020 sucks ass , we all know that. My year started out with a divorce, a move, and a new job…all big things for a January. February was a mix of “what the F%$* life”, what is going on? The end of February to mid March I was finally starting to get into a groove at my new job then the beloved COVID dropped on the world. At least I am not alone with the crazyness that is life.

So how have I been spending my time? Since being laid off in March, I have been trying to do a little soul searching. Not gonna lie, it was ugly….some days are still FUgly. I am no stranger to the anxiety, depression train and it is times like this that someone with my disfunction can buy a one way pass and follow along the track into a long dark tunnel. Not having a purpose on the daily ( like a job) can really mess with ones mind. I found myself no longer caring about even the basics of life. Eating? Nah…. Bathing? Nah….. Talking, socializing? BIG Nah…. sleeping? YES! And for those days that I could not bare to come out of my bedroom, nor could I sleep anymore…I was guilty of taking what ever I needed to make myself fall back into the abyss…just get the days over with.

Not having a purpose or schedule can really mess with the head that may already be messy. So I started to force myself into a routine. GET UP! GO FOR A WALK! Walk with my headphones on, listen to music, grab a coffee. Each day…repeat. Eventually I started want to get up ( most days) and even started finding inspiration for painting and drawing again. Even though I still have naps during the day, I do feel like I am getting better….trucking along…trying to find my groove during all of this. I honestly am blessed with some amazing people in my life. My family and friends seem to always be there…they show up…even when I cannot. It is amazing to feel the love and support, even when they are open with not really understanding the why’s and how’s of this disease, they are more then willing to stand behind me to get me through the goods and the bads.

OK now that I have aired all that “Dirty Laundry” ( don’t’ worry, am back to cleaning and bathing on the regular), let’s talk about the good that has risen from me since going through this recent downfall. I have been drawing…and drawing….and drawing. I has felt so liberating! As an artsy fartsy person, I find creativity cannot be pushed…I am either feeling it or not…but something has given me a little kick in the arse and I wanted to share a few things with you all! ( more to come )


Life lessons, safety first

Establishing Relationship Roles

I get in the car, sit back and buckle up.
Haitham is in the driver seat, he waits for me to get situated before we get moving.

my solution…pull on the seat belt harder and faster
end result…the belt is now tighter and more constraining and I am now shouting out loud “why is it doing this? It’s locked up”!

Haitham, like always, waits for me to calm down and stop talking.
Haitham, like always, helps me…..
he calmly reaches over me and slowly pulls the seatbelt out and over me….smooth like butter.

He then answers my question of “why” by stating…the seat belt is made like this…the harder it is pulled, the tighter it locks. They are made like that on purpose.

I look at him and tell him to stop the car and look at me.

I said ” do you see that this very scenario is like the definition of our relationship and personalities”? I am the crazy tornado…you are the calming of the storm.

He laughs and says “this should be apart of a phycological test”

“picture this potential scenario”

You walk into an interview…you are asked to take a seat.
The interviewer now asks you to fasten your belt….it is then that you realize that there is a seat belt attached to the chair you are in.

You follow the instructions and buckle up…

“me”….it’s tight…I pull on it…it is tighter..I panic and rapidly yank on the strap across my chest like I am trying to start a lawnmower with a distraught look of fear on my face.

Caught up in the chaos I loose site of the fact that I am in a room with a potential new employer and finally look ….

Interviewer…”thanks for coming in”….