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Confessions of a chubster

Pink dress

I used to be in a band. (the Midnight Roses)
We were a folk/bluegrass bunch of gals who had a the pleasure of touring for a couple of years. One of our “schticks” was that we dressed in more of a retro style..fancy dresses and such. I was always on the look out for a new dress to wear, generally I found most things at our local thrift stores but occasionally I splurged and would go to an actual store.

One of the most “hoity toity” stores where I lived was “the CO-OP”
(weird I know because in every other place a CO-OP is for farm supplies and foods)
….but we were different.

SO I went into the department store and found myself a DOOZY of a dress. It was pink, it was fluffy and it was perfect! I tried it on and it was a little snug but I decided to get it anyhow.
( a case of denial)

Well, the day came where I was going to debut my new digs in a show were were playing the evening. I did my hair, put on some makeup, sucked my body into some spanx. The last thing left to do was to put on my new dress.
I pulled the dress on over my head , wiggled it into place and over stretched my arms to do up the zipper. I stretched and stretched and moaned and groaned and started to finally make some head way, it started to zip up!
Then…
good when to bad…the zipper was stuck! I was like a stuffed sausage. I couldn’t get the sucker up or down my body, it was stuck in the sweet spot, around my round tummy and under my large rack!
I started to sweat, I started to cry and I started to panic! No matter how hard I tried this thing wasn’t going ANYWHERE! I had visions of me running outside to my neighbours to get help or calling someone to come over. But I was alone and I would have to get myself out of this mess. I made my way from the bedroom to the kitchen. I opened the drawer and took out some scissors and began to cut myself out.

Lucy and Charlie

(What I am about to tell you next is between you and me!)

Here I sat, a ripped dress around me, sitting on my kitchen floor in my spanx crying and wondering what the heck I was going to wear.

I got dressed, got in my car and drove to the CO-OP where I found myself the next size up of that lovely dress and I exchanged it!


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